no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
