Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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