I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
