just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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