lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize