you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
