Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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