Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize