lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
