Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
