STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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