maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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