Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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