He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
