U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
