your thong is hanging out like whoa
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
