Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
