we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
