Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
