also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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