hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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