The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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