Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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