All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
