Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
