Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
