Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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