Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
