why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
