How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
