she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
