4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
