i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
