he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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