we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
