Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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