this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
