YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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