Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
