She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
