Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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