I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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