I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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