Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
