guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
