i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
