TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
