I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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