You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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