EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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