I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
