I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize