just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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