Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
