I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
