K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
