She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
