My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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