Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
