Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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