Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
