Do vagina's smell?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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