the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
