Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
