you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
