TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize