im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
