Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
