I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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