Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
