My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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