I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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