Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize