she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
